Of Love,Pain & Overcoming

I read my blog posts just this weekend,and let me tell you something: It was like I was meeting myself,for the very first time , a fresh perspective on who I have been , what has shaped who I currently am and it also brought excitement for who I am going to be.

This time around ,I am not going to promise to write every single week, because I’ve proven that I genuinely can not keep that promise to you or even myself, so I won’t do it. I’ll write whenever I feel inspired to!

The title of this blog post was really as it is, but when I created the image to go with it, it somehow translated to : Love , Overcoming Pain! And I couldn’t ignore it, it is beautiful,and the reality of life, my life anyway!

I’ve learnt that all of my favorite songs should be rapidly gathered out of the darkness and thrown at the sun, for the longest time I have been scared to attach music to memories, because honestly, I don’t want that much attachment, but I’ve found myself embracing this once again.

Have you known anyone who has been shot in the heart and didn’t bleed or suffer from the pain it brings?

To demand of me that I act like
it didn’t hurt and put that in the past easily
is to ask me to be a robot, rather than a human who feels. And I really and truly am not a robot ,I swear ☺️

Leave me to heal.

I have mostly found myself acting like I don’t care about what happens to me, like I already went missing,and found my way back home ,before anyone ever noticed I was even missing, like I died but didn’t get to tell my body.

I find myself blaming my father for things he cannot control. I blame my father for things he can control but chooses not to. I blamed my father for many things ,but I am not angry at him , I have come to realise that life even without anything to compare it to, is very short. And forgiveness goes a long way at healing hearts and learning love.

I have reason to believe God made dandelions and metaphors on the same day.

I stay awake at three in the morning. Just me and the silence of the morning,the only one in the world, awake. I talk to God, like I discovered Him before everyone else did, I get a chance to thank Him for bringing my way a love that makes a lot of the things make sense.

And as you read this ,I wish you a lover worth sitting still for. A lover with an honest memory. Who won’t find you fleeting, or torn. I wish you a lover who won’t hold you after expiration, a lover who won’t watch you go bad or grow bitter. A lover more careful than your last was. I wish you a lover worth forgiving the last one for.

Only people with big hearts like yours find love, those with small hearts cannot endure and persevere that much.

Small hearts do not leave room for love when they’ve faced enough, they become storage for bitterness and resentment with no space for anything else.

I am far more than what meets the eyes; sometimes you may not recognize how beautiful I am, until you start looking at the things the eyes can’t see, we have become accustomed to seeing only the surface of everything, that’s why we get mad at Snapchat, Instagram and even plastic surgeons.

Stop judging me by my past. Stop judging everyone by their past, maybe you met them before they encountered love.

Some are still having dialogues with that version of themselves, trying to figure out what the heck was wrong with them then.

Do not condemn people, most are already struggling to forgive themselves.

And me, well I am the type of woman you never want to stop making memories with,
the type of woman your love should never run dry for. One that you want your love to blossom through the good and endure through the bad.

And if it can’t persevere through the bad, don’t call it love.

With love always

Mpume Ramatsui