Someone asked me how I am doing this week, and I almost cracked under the weight of that question, I know how to answer it swiftly that I don’t leave doubt in my head or the person who is kind enough to ask.
And I failed, miserably, but I still managed to string along a lengthy “I am good”, in very many unnecessary words.
But that’s when the crumbling started I think, I began to sit with the question, and hoped that no else dares to ask me, at least not this week . But I wasn’t so lucky, and this time, I was out, in my cubicle at work, and I wanted to vanish, that sounded better than answering that simple, everyday courteous question,”How are you?”
And no it’s not because I am not fine no,but it’s because even though in general I am fine , I also had a lot to process this week, work has been really stressful, making cakes has been the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to tackle for some odd reason, and I mean I have a personal life too that needs to be tended to outside of all these external stimulants.
See when I started writing this post, it had a nice motivational theme of how we need to find our tribe and talk our hearts out , but I guess it took its own turn, it chose to identify as a journal entry, and I’ll let it flourish.
Because somewhere along our paths, we will struggle. It may be small, sometimes even devastating, and we need to be reminded that we are not alone in our struggles.
So I am learning to ask myself this question, and when I find that I am almost wanting to trick myself in to quickly saying “I am fine” , I will quote Cristina Yang and ask myself : “How are you fine? How are you just completely fine? I am ruined, OK?I am wrecked.” Because it’s not everyday that I will be fine, and that is absolutely ok.
I will get a chance to stand back up, wipe the tears away and smile again, but until then, until the next sunshine hits my face , I will allow myself to feel my feels, but not drown in them! 🌻
With all this, I urge you to ask yourself , as I am posing this question to you too….
How are you?
With loving permission to not be okay sometimes
🌻❤️Mpume
Mpume Ramatsui 